That Befall Preposterously
by pucktofaerie
Summary: AU. Harry Potter crossover. The Faeries must save certain young wizards from being taken by dark fey. Hogwarts will never be the same when these tricksters get done with it! Certain mischief abounds...come join the chaos!
1. Watching and Waiting

Hello everyone! Yes, I'm back, after a long sabbatical away from fanfiction. I've decided to redo a number of my stories, which is why there have been no updates from me in so long.

For those of you who have read "The Trouble with Mortals" I humbly thank you. This is the revamped version of that story. I've added a new character, who I hope will help spice things up a bit. But first, a few explanations/recognitions are in order.

**Jack Pook is of my own creation, though he is loosely based off of a couple of characters from Charles De Lint's _Jack of Kinrowan_ (not the title character though—that Jack's a girl). Jack is basically a male counterpart of Puck; or rather, more like what the traditional view of Puck is. For those of you who don't know, my Puck is female. I like it that way, so that's how it is. Jack was a gift from Oberon to Titania—he is sort of Titania's Puck. He is a pooka, which (at least in my world) is sort of a cousin to the hobgoblins. Just so you know, Jack and Puck have a bit of a love/hate/annoy relationship. They tend to pick on each other, not so much like brother and sister as little kids who like each other. Think pulling of pig-tails and running away. As of this story they don't have a romantic relationship, though that is in the works for the future.**

-sigh- Now then. This next part may not be terribly relevant, but here it is. I've based my Oberon and Titania from the "Shakespeare Retold" series that BBC did last November. I haven't seen it (damn it!) but I've ransacked the website for clips and photos. This is really only relevant because Oberon's black and Titania's white. Never thought I'd go for a black Oberon, but Lennie James totally looks the part. For pictures, see my profile. And just so you know, I've based my image of Jack off of Dean Lennox Kelly's portrayal of Puck in the same show. I really must thank this production—until I saw the pictures of it, I had no visual idea for Jack, and had been wrestling with it for over a year. Then I saw Kelly's picture as Puck and thought "My lord, it's Jack!"

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Harry Potter, and the images for Oberon, Titania, and Jack belong to the BBC people. The character of Jack is loosely based off of characters by Charles de Lint, as is his name. The mythological critters belong to themselves; all I can lay claim to is my own twisted version of their universe. So there.

If anyone knows how I can get a hold of the DVDs of Shakespeare Retold, I would be ever so thankful for that information.

Now, after that incredibly long and flatulent introduction (as my politics professor would say), on with the show!

Chapter 1: We have to do _what_?

Puck sat idly in front of a massive willow tree that served as the entrance to Oberon's bower. Her lord and his lady could be heard inside, laughing and carrying on. Glancing back over her shoulder, the sprite sighed. Standing guard for Oberon was proving to be no fun. Chin in hands, Puck cast an annoyed sideways look to the pooka squatting on a rock off to her left. Jack Pook sat with a nail file in one hand, peering at the other as he swiped the emery board back and forth. The habit had always rather gotten on Puck's nerves, for some strange reason…which at the moment, gave her an idea.

Feeling bored, Puck opened her mouth to say something smart-alecky to Jack, just for the fun of picking a fight. Before she could, however, a small figure burst through the clearing, coming to a stop in front of Puck. The jester stood as the younger fey gasped to catch his breath.

"Urgent message," the brownie gasped. "For Lord Oberon." Puck merely crossed her arms and shifted her weight as she gazed at the faerie.

"And?" she asked. So-called "urgent" messages came through all the time, often nothing more than petty differences among the lesser courts. Oberon had instructed Puck that he and Titania were not to be disturbed. She certainly wasn't going to be the one to bother him over nothing.

The brownie narrowed his brow in confusion and frustration. "I must speak to Lord Oberon!" he exclaimed. Puck raised an eyebrow at him.

"You're going to have to do better than that," she answered. The young sprite growled furiously, then turned to Jack.

"Please," he begged. "It's important. I must speak to him!" Jack looked up, an uninterested look on his face. He glanced first at the messenger, then at Puck.

"Sorry, mate," he answered. "Not my prerogative. You're gonna have to convince her of that." The brownie looked back to Puck, who had a particularly wicked grin on her face. At least she was having some fun now.

The brownie apparently decided that trying to reason with the jesters was useless. He tried to move past Puck, only to have her side-step into his path. He tried to dodge the other way, but she was still too fast for him. "You're going to have to be faster than that," she chided.

By this point the brownie appeared to be to the point of physical violence. But before any damage could be done, the branches of the willow were swept back, and Lord Oberon came striding out, Titania just behind him.

"What's going on out here?" he asked. The brownie stood gaping at him, and Puck just shrugged her shoulders.

"Nothing to be concerned about, m'lord," she answered.

"Urgent message for you, sire," the brownie burst out, finally finding his voice. Oberon raised his eyebrows at Puck and crossed his arms across his chest.

"What is it?" he asked, sounding both terse and a little weary. The brownie shot a victorious look at a nonchalant Puck and stepped forward.

"My lord, we have received word that Illyria is seeking out changelings, presumably to rise up against you. My masters know of at least four wizarding children that she has her eye on. They believe that she will try to snatch them within the next couple of seasons." The brownie conjured up four pictures and handed them to Oberon with a bow. As Oberon looked at the pictures, he continued. "As you see, my lord, one of the children is twice fey-blessed. And my masters have reason to believe that all will be crucial to the mortal world in their lifetimes. If they are taken, important timelines may be destroyed. Surely we cannot allow that to happen!"

"I should think not," Oberon said quietly, holding up one of the pictures to the light.

"My masters wish to leave the proper course of action to your great knowledge, and ask only that they be informed of your plans. They offer any assistance that they may provide," the brownie finished.

Oberon stared at the pictures for a moment longer, before letting out a huff of air. "Yes, well, you may tell your masters that I thank them for the information, and that the problem will be taken care of. I shall inform them if their assistance is needed." The brownie bowed and, just as suddenly as he'd arrived, was gone again.

The quartet of fey were quiet for a few moments, as Oberon's gaze went back to the pictures. Puck sat back on her log, and Titania had perched herself next to Jack, and was idly playing with the tuffs of hair that poked out from beneath his hat. "Any thoughts, my love?" she asked as she rose and wrapped her arms around Oberon.

"Plenty," he answered, glancing down at her briefly, then back to the picture in his hand. After a moment, he turned. "Puck."

The sprite stood and walked over to him, and he handed her the pictures. "What do you think about playing in the mortal realm for a bit?"

Puck looked up at her master, a wicked grin on her face. "What exactly did you have in mind?" Oberon had turned back to his lady and wrapped his arms around her as he answered.

"You'll infiltrate the school, posing as a student. Keep watch over the children. Nothing too drastic."

The female jester giggled. "And maybe a few tricks along the way?"

Oberon smiled. "I don't see why not. Just don't attract unnecessary attention to yourself. And nothing that would give yourself away to Illyria."

"Have you ever known me to attract unnecessary attention to myself?" Puck asked playfully.

Her master narrowed his eyes at her, and one of his eyebrows crept up. "I'm not going to answer that," he said. Puck smirked, and stooped down to pick up her jacket. "You can take Jack with you."

Puck froze, one arm in her jacket, and stared at her lord, wondering and hoping that he was joking. She could tolerate Jack alright, even have a good time with him occasionally, but for something like this…"I can handle it myself."

Oberon cocked his head slightly at her and crossed his arms against his chest. Puck stepped forward, rising up to the unasked question. "I'm sure that Jack would be better served here. He'll just get in my way."

"Hey now!" Jack objected, finally looking up from his perch. It wasn't that he truly cared to go, one way or another, but he couldn't just let Puck talk about him as though he were useless. Both Puck and Oberon ignored him, and continued to stare at each other, as was their custom when they disagreed on something. It was actually a rather comical sight in itself; two figures standing in mirror poses, each with their arms crossed firmly against their chests and standing to their full height. Except, of course, that one was a tall dark man topping six feet and the other was a petite female with wild curls who barely came up to his chest.

This feigned struggle for power ended the same way as most. "You will take Jack with you," Oberon said firmly, his tone reminding Puck that he was, of course, the one in charge. As his changeling, she was bound to his will. But that didn't mean that she couldn't contest it from time to time.

Puck rolled her eyes. "Alright," she groaned, clearly not liking the decision. Oberon gave her a semi-suspicious half-smile, but decided to count his blessings for now and to be on the look-out for any of her tricks along the way.

"Very well. We'll need to hurry, though; there isn't much time for us to make our preparations."

* * *

The streets of Diagon Alley were filled with the usual pre-school year chaos. Children and parents were coming out of the woodwork, or so it seemed, with shops filled to capacity as old and new students alike struggled to find all of the necessary items on their back-to-school lists. Unseen above them sat an odd young man bundled up in a buttoned-up brown leather coat, tan scarf, and a gray toboggan that covered most of his chin-length blond-brown hair. He held one hand out in front of him, studying his nails, before pulling a nail file from one of his many pockets and setting to work. Beside him sat a short young woman in a patchwork jacket and uncontrollable dark brown curls. The duo sat on the edge of the roof of one of the stores on the main street, legs dangling in the air, watching the hustle and bustle below. The man sighed, dropping his hands in disgust.

"What are we doing up here?" Jack asked, looking at Puck. The female sprite lifted her chin from her hands to meet his gaze, and let out a sigh of her own, though her's rang with the impatience of a teacher with a slow pupil.

"We're _watching_," she answered, as though it should be obvious. "If Oberon wants us to blend in with the students, then we need to watch how they act."

"But why? They're just kids. We know how kids act. Hell, most of the time _we_ act more like kids then those little buggers down there."

Puck just shook her head, never losing the air that she thought Jack was being a simpleton. "These are _wizard_ children. They're different. You've never spent any time around wizards, and it's been far too long since I've had any dealings with them. So we need to observe how they act before we go in and completely give our selves away to anyone paying attention."

"Oh." Jack looked at the nail file in his hand, then back down to the street below them. "So…what now?"

A sigh of defeat was his answer. Puck hung her head before reaching over and snatching the nail file from the pooka's hand, elating a "'ey now!" from Jack. It disappeared into one of her many pockets. "Would you stop that?" she snapped. "We have to figure out how we're going to do this." Puck tapped her chin with a finger. "We can't go in there as strangers…though I don't really relish the idea of going in as brother and sister either."

"I should think that cousins ought to do nicely," answered a regal voice. The sprites turned to see Oberon and Titania standing on the roof behind them. Their king stepped forward before continuing.

"Everything is in order at the school. You've both been added to the rostrums, in the appropriate houses and years. No one in the administration should notice your arrival." Jack and Puck stood and met their lord and lady as he spoke, though when Jack though Puck wasn't looking, he tried to reach around her into the pocket he'd seen his nail file vanish into. Oberon rolled his eyes as the two scuffled, and rose his voice to catch their attention.

"You'll each be responsible for certain children." The jesters separated and again stood before Oberon, though a few quick jabs and pokes were still exchanged every couple of seconds. The lord pulled two sheets of paper from his coat and handed one to each of them. "Unfortunately, the children are housed rather unevenly. So Jack, you'll be responsible for one boy, while Puck will have the other three."

"Well why does she get three?" Jack protested. "Why can't I have three and she get the one?"

Oberon just glared at him for a moment, crossing his arms across his chest. "Because she's older and because I said so," he answered. The lord turned back to where Puck was standing…or at least had _been _standing…

Precariously balanced at the edge of the corner, Puck was squatted hands over feet, looking curiously at something down on the street. It had caught her eye while Jack was protesting his orders, and she'd lost no time in heading to the edge to see what was happening. She'd spied three of their soon-to-be charges on the street below- two boys and one girl. One of the boys and the girl, one with bright red hair, the other with mousy brown, had been coming up one side of the street, while the other boy (who was a pale blond) stalked up to them from the other. Puck watched with delight as the three appeared to have some sort of confrontation. Indeed, the boys even looked close to brawling.

Eventually they separated, the blond boy shoving past the other two and continuing down the street. He must have said something nasty, because the girl had to stop the red-head from charging after him. Puck was almost disappointed—she was curious as to what would have happened. As she watched the children, an idea occurred to her, and she tapped her fingers together as she pondered it.

"Puck?" Oberon called, recognizing his changeling's present state, and somewhat worried (and curious) as to how it might interfere with their plans. There was no response for a moment; Puck was still thinking, rolling her idea over in her mind. Oh yes…that just might work…if they did it correctly, of course.

"Oh Jaaaack," Puck called in a sing-song tone, completely ignoring Oberon. She had a particularly wicked grin on her face. "I think I know just how we can pull this off."


	2. Show Time

Okay guys. Sorry the update has taken so long—this chapter has given me hell.

One thing you should know, Robin is Puck in human form—although sometimes I change out the names randomly, like when Jack is thinking or referring to her. Sorry there's not a lot a dialogue in this chapter. You'll get more later.

Anywho, no longer, agonizing author's notes this time. Just a note: please review! I see those hits people.

Disclaimer: I don't really own anything—I just own my unique perspective on certain characters. So don't sue—I'm broke and I'm trying to find a job for the rest of the summer.

Enjoy!

Chapter 2: Show Time

Platform 9 ¾ was full of parents and children, each hurrying to say their goodbyes. Harry, Hermione, and Ron all boarded quickly, hurrying to get a good car. Unnoticed a few paces behind them, a small girl slid her way through the crowd to follow them. Elsewhere in the crowd, Draco Malfoy shook hands with his father, and made his way towards the train, joined by Crabbe and Goyle. A tall boy with dirty blond hair made his way towards them, loudly making a few choice comments that caught their attention.

The three young Gryffindors chatted away in their compartment, eagerly exchanging summer tales. "Do you mind if I join you?" asked a quiet voice from the doorway. The trio looked up to see a small girl standing there. The most distinctive features about her were her wild mass of curls, and the quiet, timid way she spoke. Two hopeful green eyes peeked out from under the mass of brown hair.

After a brief glance at his friends, Harry smiled and nodded. "Sure." Hermione scooted over as the girl closed the door and joined them.

"Well, this is Ron, and Hermione," Harry introduced. "I'm Harry."

The new girl smiled. "Robin," she answered softly.

"Are you a first-year?" Hermione asked curiously. Robin shook her head, causing curls to bounce back and forth.

"Third," she answered. The three friends exchanged confused glances.

"I don't remember ever seeing you here before," Hermione said, voicing their question aloud.

"Our family hasn't been…able to send us till now," Robin said, ducking her head as though ashamed. "We've been home-schooled till now."

"We?" Harry asked.

Just then, the compartment door slid open, revealing a tall boy with dirty blond hair that fell into his eyes. He grinned wickedly as his gaze fell on Robin.

"What's this, cousin?" he asked, stepping forward and glancing over the others. "Found yourself some other half-breeds to hang around with?"

Robin's eyes grew big as she stood. "What do you want, Jack?" she asked, her voice shaking even as she tried to sound brave. Whatever he was going to say was cut off as a few other boys stepped up behind the newcomer. The smallest of them stepped in next to Jack, his smirk enough to put both Harry and Ron on their feet.

"Told you they'd be back here," Malfoy sneered. "Biggest mudblood lover in the school."

"Go away, Malfoy," Harry growled. The pale blond boy narrowed his gaze and smiled coldly.

"Why don't you make me, Potter?" Harry took a step forward, as though he intended to do just that, when the new boy's voice interrupted them.

"What do you think _you're_ going to do?" Suddenly all eyes were on Jack. "I wouldn't expect a lot if you're as tainted as _she_ is."

Robin's hands clinched into fists. "I am not.." she started. Jack just smirked at her.

"What, ashamed of you good-for-nothing muggle mother?" he persisted.

The girl's lower lip trembled. "You…you take that back!" she shouted, sounding as though she were on the brink of tears.

By this point, Harry was standing even with Robin. "Just go, Malfoy. And take your new _friend_ with you." Harry spat out the words as though 'friend' left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Without a word, Malfoy and his flunkies turned and left, though evil gazes darted between the two groups like ammunition. If looks could kill, they would have all perished. Jack lingered in the car a moment longer, his gaze lingering on his "cousin." Robin still looked as though she was torn between hitting him and crying. With one last smirk, he turned and left.

Harry moved past Robin and shut the door behind them. "Don't let them get to you," he said, turning to face her. He felt bad for her—Harry knew all about bullying cousins. He couldn't imagine what his life would be like if Dudley was a wizard too; or worse, if Harry hadn't been a wizard at all.

The poor girl still looked as though she were going to cry. "It's just that…he's always doing that," she answered, her voice thick with tears. "He's always acting like he's better just because his parents are full-blooded and mine aren't." Robin sniffed and ran a sleeve across her nose.

Hermione patted her arm as they sat down. "It's alright. Both of my parents are Muggles. There's nothing wrong about it."

Robin nodded as she wiped her face. "I guess." After a moment, she took a deep breath and let it up in a rush. "Hey, what house are you all in?"

"Gryffindor," Harry answered. Suddenly a smile exploded onto Robin's face.

"Really? Me too!" she said. "We went over the summer and got placed."

Harry smiled at her. He was glad that she would be in their house, and not stuck out on her own. She reminded him of Neville, in an odd sort of way—though there was a quiet confidence that lurked in the depths of Robin's eyes.

The children settled back into their seats, the conversation turning to various school events and past happenings. Before long, the car was roaring with laughter as various past excursions came to light.

* * *

Robin Goodfellow—or Robin Fellows, as she was to be known at Hogwarts—was enjoying herself immensely. It had been her idea to set up the relationship with Jack as a bullying cousin sort of thing. As the fey had watched their new charges, Puck had recognized the hero qualities in her three, and Jack reported a particularly nasty streak in his. So they had planned a wonderful ruse of bully and underdog. It seemed to be the perfect way to put them in good graces with their charges.

The part that Puck loved most was the role she was to play. Anyone could play the fool; it took true talent to be the straight man. Or in her case, woman. The best part was that when it came to tricks, no one ever suspected the quiet, shy girl. It was great fun to trick mortals and then listen to them complain about it. Being sympathetic after being mischievous was sheer madness, and the Puck was nothing if not a little mad.

Jack tried to look interested as Malfoy rattled on about yet another person that Jack should not associate with at Hogwarts. Unlike Puck, Jack wasn't quite enjoying his role. Oh, he enjoyed being able to pick on Puck without her being able to retaliate…but that was about it. His company was decidedly worse than Puck's seemed to be; his charge was an arrogant little prick who seemed to believe that he was better than everyone else on the planet. Jack rather wished that this one would get taken by Illyria so that he could beat the crap out of him fair and square.

Fortunately for Jack, Malfoy seemed to take to him. The child seemed to recognize something in Jack that appealed to him. But then, that was the point of Puck's plan—for each of them to take on roles that would appeal to their charges. In Puck's case, that meant becoming a quiet, bullied underdog. For Jack, it meant being a pompous ass. Malfoy seemed to acknowledge and respect someone who carried the same princely attitude as himself.

By the time the train arrived at the school, a heavy rain was pouring from the heavens. Robin looked up and grimaced; she hoped Oberon and Titania weren't quarrelling again. With neither her nor Jack there to help them cool down, things could get very ugly.

The older students piled into carriages as quickly as possible to be taken to the school. Robin pitied the first-years; though the view of Hogwarts was spectacular from the lake, she wasn't sure it was worth crossing the lake in the torrential downpour.

The disguised sprite stared out the rain-streaked window of the carriage, gazing up at the castle illuminated on the hillside. The old-fashioned setting warmed her heart—it had been far too long since she'd gazed upon a building of the ancients. It was nice to be heading toward a place that was nearly as old as herself.

The children poured into the great hall, eager to escape the downpour outside. Robin stuck close to the others as everyone scattered into their houses. Her new friends introduced her to various other students in Gryffindor as they were seated, and she found herself shaking several hands and being barraged by names. The sprite stored away the information for later use, and grabbed a seat between Harry and a boy he'd introduced as Neville.

The room fell silent as the huge doors flew open and the newest batch of first-year students filed in, led by a dour-faced elderly woman. The nervous new students cluttered together as the woman took her post beside the Sorting Hat and began reading out the names. Robin found herself glad that Oberon had found a way to get her and Jack in the right houses without them having to get under that ridiculous hat. She listened to the Hat's song and rhymes with mirth, but was grateful that they'd avoided its snare—there was no telling what it might have been capable of seeing. Soon the new students were sorted into their respected houses, and Headmaster Dumbledore stood to welcome everyone back to Hogwarts.

Robin tuned out most of what the Headmaster said, taking the time to observe the other teachers. She recognized the half-giant Hagrid from the train stop; he seemed to be a gentle soul, and had the smell of animals and the forest. Robin was inclined to trust anyone who was kind to nature. Next to him sat Minerva McGonagall, the woman who had led in the first-years. Robin had great admiration for a natural shape-shifter and made a note to watch her tricks around the wise old witch. Glancing down the line, her eye caught on a grim man with black hair. He had a terribly serious expression, and looked as though he could do with a good helping of prunes. The sprite decided that she simply must ask Harry about him later. She could tell that she would have a great deal of fun with this one. The serious ones were _always_ the most fun.

Looking over the rest of the teachers, Robin quickly dismissed them as threats. She paused briefly over the strange divination teacher, who definitely had the air of a mortal with the Gift, but the sprite wrote her off once recognizing her eccentric nature. The ones who wore their gifts on their sleeves were usually the ones who used them the least.

Suddenly, the headmaster's voice ceased, and food appeared on the table. Robin smiled in spite of herself—she saw through the magic of her cousins, the house elves. She quickly made a mental note to visit the kitchens at some point to pop in on the hobs. Perhaps they had seen or heard something that would give her master some clue as to where to look for Illyria.

The children filled their plates and chatter descended on the table. Summer stories were exchanged, as well as speculations on the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Apparently people didn't last long in that position; Robin heard some boys down the table taking bets on how long the newest teacher would last. Curious, Robin looked up at the man; he didn't appear to be exceptionally dangerous, though there was an odd, distinctly familiar smell about him that the sprite couldn't quite place. All in all, Robin decided that he was as dangerous as any wizard.

The sprite let her attention fall on the Headmaster, Dumbledore. He had a rather grandfatherly look about him, but Robin eyed him suspiciously. Dumbledore was the reason that neither Oberon nor Titania would step foot on the grounds. It wasn't that the old wizard actually posed a _threat_ to the faerie king and queen, but it would have been impossible for fey as powerful as Oberon to go unnoticed by a wizard as powerful as Dumbledore. Her master had even warned Robin and Jack to be wary of the man—he was the strongest wizard here—and there was no guarantee that they could hide from him if he was set on their trail.

Robin smiled shyly when a blond Irish boy named Seamus started asking her questions. She answered them in a quiet voice, tucking a stray curl behind one ear. She was especially glad when desserts started to appear on the table; Oberon usually didn't like for her to eat chocolate. Sugar had a tendency to make her a little hyper. But seeing as how she was playing a part, and as Oberon wasn't exactly around at the moment…Robin smiled as she spooned out some chocolate pudding onto her plate. Now if she could just find some coffee she's be in business.

Before long, dirty dishes began to disappear, and the students stood and followed their prefects up to their houses. Robin stuck close to the others, and found that she was rooming with three other girls, one of whom was Hermione. She smiled to herself; it would seem that Oberon had thought of everything. She couldn't help but wonder how Jack was making out.


	3. Author's Note

I just wanted to let everyone know that this story will not be continued…at least not here. My third (and hopefully final) revision of this story has been posted in the Harry Potter section under the Pen Name of Gamine Madcap. It's sort of a fresh start for me as an author. My PucktoFaerie pen name will still be active though. Anywho, if any of you are interested, go check it out. And don't forget to review!


End file.
